creativity

millie shows me a human figure with beautiful flowers bursting out of the chest, flowing from the ears, appearing from what seems to be nowhere and filling the space all around the person.

"you need to let your creativity flow.  it wants to be free.  it wants to be manifest."


how do I let it flow?

she shows me the same human figure, carefully and methodically setting a brick on top of each flower as it appears, crushing it.

"all you need to do is stop stifling it.  you are all amazingly creative creatures.  you are powerful.  get out of  your own way.  unleash your creative powers.  the bricks are all of the things you block yourself with, all of the ways you tell yourself no, shouldn't, mustn't, can't.  allow yourself, free yourself, create your world and let it flow.  it takes more effort to block your creativity than to release it and allow it to move freely."


she shows me the human figure again, now resting on the ground, totally at ease.  flowers are growing from the figure, sprouting up from every surface, without any effort, just growing like crazy.

"it doesn't have to be hard.  let it be easy."


thank you, millie.

lighten your load

I was feeling kind of low, so I asked millie for some advice.  she showed me a canoe, sitting very low in the water.  I was sitting in the canoe and there was a feeling of heaviness that came with the picture.

"look in the boat.  do you see all the dark, heavy objects?"

yes.

"that is what is weighing you down.  start to fill your boat with love and light and it will displace the darkness."

but what are the dark objects?  don't I need to know what they are before I get rid of them?

"no.  just pour golden light into the canoe, let it lift the dark objects out and they will float away on the current.  you don't need to know what is weighing you down to let it go.  obsessing about your troubles only makes them more pronounced.  your focus and energy are better spent in filling your space with love and light."

thank you, millie.

jump off the boat

I am still feeling somewhat overwhelmed by life these days, by the demands on my time and my apparent inability to make time for me.  I asked millie for help.  she shows me a small sailboat being tossed and buffeted by large white-capped waves in a somewhat stormy sea.  it's a pretty accurate portrayal of how I'm feeling.

the boat is me?

"you are on the boat."

why is the water so rough?

"because you are fighting it.  the boat represents the 'stuff' that humans construct around them to separate themselves from the flow.  the water is flow.  it can be gentle and easy or it can be rough, your choice."

she shows me dashing about on the sailboat, trimming sails, tying off lines, turning the rudder this way and that way, frantically trying to stay afloat and keep the boat headed where I want to go, as the waves crash into it and push it off course.  

all of the tasks, all of the things that I think I must do on the boat, those are all an illusion?

"yes."

what do I do?  if I stop sailing, won't I drown?

"you can't drown.  you and the water are the same.  you are part of the flow."

so what do I do?

"jump off the boat.  jump into the water."

she shows me swimming underwater with no apparent need to breathe, and then floating on the surface, completely relaxed.  


I am afraid of the water, I am afraid to leave the boat.  how do I overcome that fear?

"live in the moment.  stop living for the next.  be present now.  keep your focus now.  the flow will happen."

and I won't need the boat?

"correct."

thank you, millie.

just keep swimming

it's been a wild ride the past couple of weeks.  as I sat down to talk to millie, there was no specific question on my mind, but I had kind of a what-the-heck-is-going-on feeling.  the first image millie sent me was of me walking my path, but I wasn't viewing it from a normal perspective, she was showing it to me from underneath.  I was watching my footfalls from beneath the path, looking up at the soles of my feet.


"things are a little topsy-turvy right now.  you may feel that you have lost your perspective, or that things have really changed in your world.  you may feel disoriented."

yep, that about sums it up.

then she shows me walking around the outside of a hollow ball, like a huge beach ball.  as I circumnavigated the ball, I was upside down for a while, but then right side up again.  as she showed me this, she sent me feelings of trust and optimism and something harder to describe, but sort of like the mantra of that little blue fish in finding nemo... 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'


"follow your path.  trust that if you keep walking your path, things will eventually work out.  know that life is change, and by moving through your world, you will experience change.  that's okay.  it is normal.  keep walking your path and eventually things will even out again.  only to shift again in the future.  that's how it works.  trust that your path is the right place for you, no matter where it leads."

thank you, millie.

flow

millie shows me a lazy river.  humans are floating by on inner tubes.  tall skinny mountains are protruding from the water, very narrow at the top, wider at the bottom.  some of the people are just bouncing off the sides of the mountains and floating on by.  others get stuck on a mountain and can't get around it.  at first I thought the mountains were people, but it was broader than that.  the mountains represent any frustration or annoyance, anything that you find yourself in resistance to.


"what you resist has power over you, you get stuck on it because of the attraction created by your resistance.  you each have your own particular mountains, you have attracted them in order to learn the lessons they hold for you."

she shows me the water level sinking.  because the mountains are wider at the bottom, it becomes increasingly difficult to get past them as the water goes down.  she then raises the water level, until it is quite easy to get past the mountain tops.  then she shows the water level a little above the mountain tops, accompanied by a very free and easy feeling.  once in a while a mountain top will brush the underside of an inner tube, but it is fleeting and brief.


"the water represents flow.  the more flow you have, the less resistance, the less time you spend stuck on any particular problem or issue."

I really like that, it feels great.  how do I increase my flow?


"turn up your trust, your ease.  intend your flow to be smooth and abundant.  turn down your fear and your resistance."

thank you, millie.

the sea

millie shows me an underwater scene.  we are floating in the ocean, moving rhythmically back and forth with the tides, the waves.  the sunlight is filtering down upon sea urchins and schools of silvery fish.  we are dolphins.


"the creatures of the sea hold the energy of flow and connectedness for the planet.  they have chosen to do this.  they are full of love and light.


it is enough that you throw your physical garbage at them, your waste, your refuse, your toxic chemicals.  do not also throw your emotional garbage at them.  when you are upset and angry about what is happening to the planet, do not turn your thoughts to the sea and the creatures there.  the negative energy flows with your thoughts, and does not distinguish between the oil company executives and the sea creatures, the negativity blasts everything in its path.


to make a difference, to truly help, send only love and light to the creatures of the sea.  positive vibrations and healing energy are a much better gift than fear and anger.  better for them, better for you.  know that terrible things happen, understand that change will be healthier for the planet, and effect that change by shifting your own negative emotions into positive feelings for the planet and her children."

thank you, millie.

got milk?

millie shows me a glass milk bottle.  she shows the milk pouring into a bowl, a pitcher, a glass.  she shows it going through a crazy straw.


"milk is the life and you are the bottle, the vessel.  the milk will take whatever shape you give it.  the shape of your life is entirely dependent on you.


if you want more, you must first make room.  your milk bottle tends to fill up.  if there is something lacking in your life, some new direction you want to take, some new thing you would like to attract, you must first change your shape so as to allow more milk to flow to you.


make space for the things you want.  they will flow."

thank you, millie.

fun

millie shows me a bouncy castle, the kind that kids jump around in at carnivals and birthday parties.  the human figure in the bouncy castle is very stiff and rigid, and not having a very good time.


"life is like a bouncy castle.  to really enjoy it, you must be flexible and willing to go in unexpected directions.  you must be able to change direction without much notice.  you must be willing to fall and trust that you will bounce right back.


being stiff and rigid in your bouncy castle will lead to fear and frustration as you are thrown around against your will.  you cannot control the bounce.  the bounce just happens.


let go of your need for control.  loosen up and enjoy the ride."

thank you, millie.

fill your space

millie shows me flowers growing in time-lapse...  pushing up through the ground, budding, filling out very quickly, becoming full and beautiful in a matter of moments.


"it makes no sense to be less than your full, complete self.  holding yourself back from your true potential because you are afraid to grow is like a flower opening only part way.  that is not how the universe works.  we are all meant to fully be.


no one is born to shrink, or to become only a part of themselves, fulfilling only a piece of their potential.  


be.  grow.  live.


do not fear.  the only thing to fear is fear itself -- those were wise words.  and I say don't even fear fear.  what would you do if you knew you could not fail?  do it.


be the biggest, brightest flower you can possibly be."

thank you, millie.

simultaneity

"you are simultaneously mothers and daughters, fathers and husbands, friends and sisters and teachers and humans and spirits.


you are simultaneously operating at a basic, biological level -- breathing (in, out, in, out) and beating (lub, dub, lub, dub) -- and at a macro level, as a part of the grand cosmic dance we are all engaged in.  


you shift your focus from daily life (what is that smell?  use the turn signal. did I forget to turn off the oven?) to the wide universe (who am I?  why am I here?  what are my lessons for this life?).


thinking at a macro level brings perspective.  use it.  when you feel bogged down or annoyed by the minutiae, remember to pull back and view it from the distance of spirit, the distance of "what part does this play in the everything?"  this will help you ease through your life.  all you need to do is remember to shift your perspective."

like the trees/ forest thing?


"exactly."

so we should place less importance on our lives?


"just don't get stuck in the biology.  remember to bring spirit into it.  give yourself perspective on it all."

gotcha.  thank you, millie.

celebrate

millie shows me a may pole, with humans dancing around it.  each is holding a ribbon attached to the pole, connecting them to the center.  some are dressed as fairies, some are wearing masks of cows, foxes, birds.


"humans are constantly setting yourselves apart.  whether you think you are above nature, better than the rest of the natural world, or below nature, somehow less worthy or pure -- either view sets you apart.


you are as much a part of the rest of the universe as any other being in existence.  there is no separation between mankind and the rest of us.


when you celebrate spring and animal and nature, you also celebrate *you.*


there is no need to don a mask in order to be part of the natural world.  you are every bit as much a part of it as the cows, foxes and birds.  we are all connected.  we are all one.


rely on that connection, relax into it.  this is not a club you can be kicked out of.  you are permanent members."

frog prince

millie shows me a toad, squatting in the mud, hiding beneath the leaves.  the toad stands up and turns into a man, then squats back down into a toad.  it goes back and forth several times.


"we are all a blend of the light and the dark, the positive and the less so.  the contrast between the two gives us depth, dimension.  you hide from yourself the parts of you that you consider ugly, undesirable.  look at those parts.  honor them as part of your experience in the universe.


you can shift the way you interact with your darker parts, be less controlled by them, be more aware of their presence and what they bring to the mixture that is you.  but don't hide from yourself.  don't judge yourself by the darkest parts of you.


you are a beautiful blend of dark and light.  honor that.  honor you.  honor the blend in others.  don't focus on the dark.  try not to see things as black and white, but the shades and shapes and colors that make up who we are.


accept yourself so that you can accept others.  love yourself.  all of you."

thank you, millie.

raindrops

"each individual raindrop is small and seems insignificant, but together they can add up to mighty rivers, great lakes, massive floods."

the raindrops represent each of us as individuals, and they also represent the amount of growth we achieve, or information we take in at a time.


"the drops also represent your thoughts and actions.  the ripples stretching away from each raindrop as it hits the surface are the energetic resonance of your thoughts and actions.  thoughts and actions do not stop at the boundary of you and everything else, they resonate far beyond you."

she shows me a human sitting in water in the rain, the human dissolves and becomes part of the water, and then re-forms as a human.  she shows me this dissolving and reforming several times.


"your rain barrel, your personal store of knowledge and experience is at once distinct and also part of the whole.  water is water, where ever you find it it has the same physical and chemical properties, whether it is in a glass, or a steel tank, or a pond.  you can contain it differently, but it is all water, and all water knows itself.


the rain, the water that comes your way, is nothing new.  it is all a reminder, an awakening of what you already know, what you already are."

thank you, millie.

spring

millie shows me a flower, in time-lapse photography, the whole progression from seed to beautiful flowering plant.  clouds are rushing by, rain, sun and darkness are coming and going.


"spring is a time of accelerated growth, a good time to be intentional about your change.  you can leave behind the old, heavier, parts of you, the parts that don't serve you anymore.  it is effortless to leave them.  don't chop or prune or hack these parts off, just outgrow them.  step away from the old.  aim your energy and growth in the direction of your highest good."

the picture shifts to a jack-and-the-beanstalk type plant, growing rapidly, shooting into the clouds.


"grow.  the sky's the limit."

thank you, millie.

oranges

millie shows me two oranges.  one has a thick peel and the fruit inside is dry and tasteless.  the other has a thin peel with juicy, full fruit.


"energy that goes into your peel is unavailable for your fruit.  put your energy into yourself, not your shell.  focus on your juice, not your peel."

I love the food analogies, they make so much sense!

thank you, millie.

unfold your fan

millie shows me a delicate japanese fan with beautiful artwork.  then she closes it.


"you all walk around with your fans folded, hiding your true selves, so that you look as much as possible like everyone else."

the fan opens part way, then snaps shut.  there is a feeling of fear.


"fans are not as pretty when they are closed.  they aren't functional when they are closed.  humans are the same way.  open your fan.  you function better when you are open.  it takes a lot of energy to close yourself off, let go of the fear and use that energy for a positive purpose."

I associate total openness with lack of boundaries, over-sharing, lots of negative things.


"everyone has boundaries.  physical, energetic, emotional boundaries.  the problem isn't that boundaries are lacking, but that people fail to observe them.  do what you need to do to keep yourself comfortable, but know that you can occupy your own physical and energetic space in such a way that others do not intrude.  


this is a separate issue from your openness.  you can be open and also fully occupy your space, with no reactivity or defensiveness, you simply own your space and others cannot affect that."

it seems that we look outside of ourselves when we should be looking in, and vice-versa.


"that is a side effect of living so many lifetimes in a purely physical, body-based world.  you forget what is possible.  you lose touch with some of your tools.  as you re-integrate as a spirit in body, these tools will become more available to you."

so I'm guessing my use of these tools will not prevent others from over-sharing.


"no.  but it will help you not to be bothered by that.  and it will help you to maintain your own space, with your own energy, which always feels right and good.  the energy of others, whatever that may be, will not enter your space."

that does sound good.


"as you move through the world, sure of your space, comfortable in your space, you can let go of fear.  scary things may come, but they cannot enter your space."

that sounds great!


"you can do this.  you already do it.  when the fear gets into your space, it is because you agree with it.  when you agree with it, you accept it, you allow it, and it comes in.  try just looking at the fear from a neutral place.  don't agree.  don't resist.  just look.  see what happens.


let go of fear and it will let go of you.


open yourself to life, to each other, to the real, full you.  unfold your fan."

thank you, millie.

community

millie shows me a boat with people rowing.


"when you all row in the same direction, with the same intent, there is progress and ease.  when you row in different directions, there is discord and stress.


you are all in the boat together.  whether you choose to row together or not is a function of individual free will."

what about our desire to place ourselves first?  how does that rock the boat?


"you live in a community.  most of you live in several communities.  you row with your communities to the extent you choose to.  there is a delicate balance between rowing for yourself alone and rowing for your community.  enlightened self interest dictates that you row for your community in order to row for yourself.  there is power in the actions of the many that is not present in the action of the one."

so we can row for everyone and ourselves at the same time?


"that is the most effective way.  find the intersection of you and everyone else and put your energy there.  it doesn't take away from your individuality, it multiplies you and your effort in the world."

thank you, millie.

pay attention to the small stuff

millie shows me a small ladybug crawling up my leg.  it stops on my knee and starts to speak in millie's voice.

"sometimes the information that comes your way is small and subtle."

the ladybug starts to dance, complete with top hat and cane.  then it stops and looks at me.


"it isn't going to dance a jig to get your attention.  to receive your information, just be open to it.  make space for it in your life.  the more space you give it, the easier it will be to see and understand.


don't work at it.  don't hunt for it.  just listen and wait.  notice it when it comes.  acknowledge it and let it go on by.  let it land on you like a butterfly, like a gift.


actually, it is not so rare as a butterfly landing on you, more like lightening bugs on a summer evening.  the information is everywhere.  when you look in one direction and see bugs flash all over the place, then you look somewhere else and see more of them flash, it is like information readily available wherever you look.  open yourself.  be grounded.  be centered.  pay attention."

thank you, millie.

galactic adventurers

"humans are not the only beings out there and earth is not the only planet with people.  they don't all look like you, but they are part of the 'we' that you and I are a part of.  it's a pretty big 'we.'  all of the stories, the science-fiction, the fantasy that humans have written books about and made into movies comes from the collective knowledge and memory.


all is possible.  nothing is impossible.  if you can imagine it, it can be done, and probably has.  there are no limits, no restrictions, no rules.


this planet is very rule-bound, but you have made all the rules up.  they aren't real.  well, they are as real as you make them with your belief, so for some, they are very real.  but reality is a construct, a definition humans have chosen, to distinguish between what you can see and hear and feel, versus all the rest of the everything.  it is all real.  you just can't perceive all of it and so you define it out of existence.  that doesn't really erase it, just makes it harder for you to see and understand.


if you approach the all-that-is with the attitude that anything is possible, you will greatly broaden your horizons and free yourself for exploration.


we are all explorers, inner and outer exploration.  it's what we do.  it's why we exist.  it is divine purpose."

thank you, millie.

peas in a pod

millie shows me peas in a pod.  that's what she called it, but I pictured edamame (soy beans) because that's what I'm familiar with.


"each pea is individual, separate, but together -- made of the same stuff.  they are both individual and the same, just like humans.  you are meant to grow together like peas.


no matter how different your lives, your personalities, your preferences, your outward appearances, you are all made of the same stuff.


notice how each pea is protected by a skin, a shell.  your protective layers keep you safe, but they keep you separate.  think about shedding all the protective layers you carry and being your authentic, naked self in in the world.  think about the fear that idea brings up.  look at that fear.  what is it?"

good question.

thanks, millie.

change

"change is good.  it is inevitable.  you can look forward and steer your growth, or you can look backward and be surprised, disturbed, upset by change.  change and growth are meant to go hand-in-hand, but if you resist change you resist growth.


grow or die.  this is a mandate from the universe.  'die' is figurative, you can just rot in place.  a form of death.  movement is the natural way of things."

thank you, millie.

human race

as usual, it takes me a while to quiet my mind so I can hear millie.  the first image I get is a race car, kind of cartoonish, all leaning forward with swoosh marks showing how fast it is going.


"you are all so focused on the *next* thing.  it leaves you no energy for now, it makes it so difficult for you to be present in the moment.  stop the car.  get out and sit in the sun.


you are focused on the lack, what you don't have.  focus instead on the abundance, what you have."

she shows me children playing on a swing set, free and happy, totally present.  how did we lose that?


"competition.  it becomes a race.  you are trained that way.  grades.  money.  houses.  cars.  boats.  jewelry.  it never ends, there is no finish line and no winner -- only losers.


quit the race.  step into *your* life.  be present.  that's where happiness is.  within.  be still.  be quiet.  be you.  be love.  don't forget the love."

thank you, millie.

sharks

sometimes I am not quite clear on millie's message.  perhaps this one is for someone else.  perhaps I just haven't yet tripped on the problem she is outlining.  it is hardest to see yourself.  

she shows me a shark.  as I sometimes do, I mentally erase it, thinking that can't be right.  she shows me the same shark again.


"sharks are loners, an evolutionary dead-end.  they get most of their connection and interaction with other beings as they consume their prey.  it's a pretty solitary life.  we are not sharks.  we are social.  we are meant to interact as social creatures.  you can't hide from the growth and the learning that goes along with being a social creature, it is part of the deal you chose when you came back as human.  the interaction is the most important part."

thank you, millie.

body & spirit

I've been stewing about the idea that we are not individuals, puzzling it in my head, trying to figure out how that fits with what I think I know about the world.  millie helped me out with it today.  she showed me a turtle.


"humans are like turtles.  you tend to withdraw into your body.  that's okay, it's normal, but you can't escape spirit.  it is everywhere, inside and outside of us.  we are living the dichotomy of spirit in body.  spirit and body are two very different things.  your mind is a product of your body, which is why the body feels so real compared to spirit.  all the learning from each lifetime, each body, goes to educate all."

millie shows me light passing through a dragonfly's wings.


"bodies are like prisms.  we make sense of the light, we really experience it, we define it."

she shows me an amorphous blob, I can't really describe it, but she says it represents all of the spirit not currently in body.  it has distinct parts within that seem to hang together.  most are light, but some are dark.


"we all share a vibration with other beings and spirits in our group.  each group has a different vibration.  when you meet someone for the first time and you feel like you have known them all your life, that's because you share a similar vibration."

why are some of them dark?


"they share a preference for power and fear and violence."

what happens if we shift this planet toward the light?


"they will become uncomfortable and will go somewhere else."

are we close?


"teetering on the edge."

what can I do?


"embrace the light and love within you.  live it."

why are the bodies so important?


"we learn more from the struggle to exist as both, much more than without the body."

so there is no struggle when we are not in body?


"we are more like observers then."

I feel like I've got it, but millie hasn't left my chest yet.

can I type now?


"almost."

what am I missing?


"it is the *interaction* between bodies, between different energies and vibrations and spirits, that is so important, so educational.  focus on your interactions.  that is how to share the love."

anything else?


"this is easy.  let go and feel the flow."

she has me zoom in on an issue in my life, then zoom out to see the issue in the full context of my life, then we zoom out even further to see my life in the context of everything.

wow.  thanks, millie.

flowers

just as with the trees, millie is showing me field full of wildflowers.  we zoom in on a yellow one, missing half its petals, then out again to see the whole meadow.  we zoom in on a white one, with a crooked stem, then out again to the wide meadow.


"humans are like that.  you all have flaws.  none of you are a perfect specimen, there is no such thing as perfect.  each of you is full of beauty and you contribute to a greater beauty.  taken as a whole, you are really quite lovely."

what makes us lovely?


"many of you shine with a special light.  more and more of you are shining all the time.  it doesn't really make sense to talk about 'we' and 'you' and 'us' and 'them.'  we are all one.  you see yourselves as individuals but you are also part of a larger, connected whole.  it is easier to see humanity as a group when you are not currently human."

millie shows me the whole earth with people all over the place shining their lights out into space.  it really is very pretty.

so, what do we do now?


"live your life.  be who you are.  learn.  grow.  give others permission to learn and grow.  you don't have to 'do' anything.  you are being it.  you are all meant to shine as gods, as goddesses, as the source shines, as I shine."

millie is sitting across my chest, purring.  I have my eyes closed, but I 'look' down at her and she is glowing gold.

I thought that was the message for the day, but she had more.  I had a hard time picking the right word for what she said next...


"your individuality is a mask, shield, tool."

a tool for what?


"for discovering the truth about you."

and that is?


"that there is no such thing as individuality.  not the way you think of it, as though you are truly alone and separate.  you and I are one.  I am you, giving you a message for yourself.  you are me, giving me a gift from myself.  everyone you meet is a mirror."

I don't like the sound of that.  I *like* my individuality.


"we are individual expressions of the same thing."

then what is the point?


"curiosity.  learning.  growth."

I am not happy with the idea that all of creation is for the amusement and entertainment of a bored source.


"we are *all* source.  there is no source apart from all of us.  *we* choose this."

why?


"why not?  what else would we be doing?"

I don't want to be everyone.  I don't want everyone to be me.


"only in a larger sense is this true.  the flowers are still flowers, it's just that the meadow is really really big.  you are still you, with your own particular mission and lessons to learn."

hmmm.  I will have to think about this, I'm having a hard time getting my head around it.


"saying we are all one is not the same as saying we are all the *same* one.  we are just made of the same 'stuff.'"

I'm kind of attached to my me-ness.  I guess I will need to look at why that is.

thank you, millie.

forest & trees

millie shows me an eagle flying high.  it can see all the small things on the ground, but it is soaring high above them.  it's a very powerful picture.


"view your life from a broader perspective.  humans tend to get bogged down in the minutiae of your lives.  notice the small things, appreciate them for what they bring to your life, but don't get caught up in them."

I'm having a hard time reconciling this advice with the 'slow down and appreciate the gems in your life' advice.


"take time to *see* the gems around you, but also look at your life from a higher place -- notice how the small things fit in with everything else.  be engaged with your life and simultaneously able to see it from a distance."

she shows me a heavily wooded slope.  we zoom in on a tree, we can even see a bird on a branch, then our perspective shifts and we are looking at the whole forest.  she takes me back and forth between the two perspectives a few times... tree, forest, tree, forest.  then suddenly we are looking both at the tree AND the forest at the same time.


"see the parts of your life from a broader perspective, as part of the rich and varied tapestry of *everything*.  re-examine the true size and importance of things that bother or upset you.  they are not as large as they seem if you zoom out.  put them in perspective.  soar above them.  you may find that what bothered you yesterday is not so important today.  give it a try."

I practice this perspective thing she is talking about.  I look at my daily annoyances, then zoom out and look at the miracle of my life as a whole.  I do this several times, like she showed me with the trees, and then something shifts.  it gets easier, for one thing, and new connections become visible between people, animals, everything.  everyone and everything is connected, and the connections show up as gold strings, lines, pipes, leading from each being to everything around it.


"that's it, you've got it."

thank you, millie.

brain storm

some days I hear millie perfectly and it is easy and fluid.  some days it takes me forever to catch even a little piece of her story, what she is telling me.  those days are frustrating.  today was one of those days.  finally, my brain shut up enough that I could see the picture she was sending me, of a thunderstorm moving through, complete with dark clouds and lightning and thunder, with lots of tension in the air.


"once the storm moves through and the atmosphere clears, everything is calmer and you can hear better."

so I have thunderstorms in my brain?


"electrical storms, yes."

how do I calm them down?


"you know how.  find your center.  ground.  sit in silence and intend to quiet yourself.  use your tools."

why do they happen?


"it is normal.  maybe from habit, from the way you prepare yourself to face the world or respond to certain situations."

she shows me a train running on a track.


"your habits, your ways of thinking and being, are deeply ingrained.  like a train on a track, it is difficult for you to travel anywhere except on the tracks you have built for yourself."

so how do I change my thinking?  I start to picture building new tracks, but she interrupts that thought and shows me a scene with no tracks at all.


"you don't need your tracks.  you can decide in each moment what to think, how to act.  you don't need old programming telling you what to do.  try moving through your life with no tracks -- see how that goes."

wow.  okay, I'll try.

thank you, millie.

the myth of control

millie shows me two scenes simultaneously.  in both scenes, a woman is walking through a field of head high wheat.  it is impossible for them to see where they are going.  the first person is enjoying the walk, noticing the color of the sky, the feel of the wheat brushing her skin, the smell of the earth, the hum of the insects.  the first person is connected to the world around her.  she is curious, but not afraid.

the second person is anxious, always trying to see what is up ahead, not taking the time to enjoy the walk, the sunshine, the experience.  she is not connected to the world around her, she is barely connected to herself.  all of her focus and energy is being thrown out in front of her to try and achieve the impossible-- to see what is coming before it gets here.

because the second person is so hyper alert, she catches a glimpse of a tiger ahead in the distance.  she instantly goes into fear overdrive, into emotional red alert.  she is sure the tiger will eat her at any moment, so she redoubles her efforts to see what is coming, to foretell her future.  the more she tries to see the path ahead but cannot, the more afraid and anxious and disconnected she becomes.

suddenly, they walk into a clearing, where there is a circus -- complete with circus animals.  the first person is delighted and relaxed and enjoys this bit of serendipity with all of her focus.  the second person nearly collapses from exhaustion and relief that the tiger cannot eat her, she cannot focus herself enough to enjoy the show, and she immediately starts to worry about the next invisible 'threat' down the road.


"these scenes are of the same person, making two different choices.  you can choose to live in the moment, enjoying what comes your way, or you can choose to be tense and anxious and fearful.  it is completely up to you.


there is absolutely no sense in worrying about anything.  you. can't. possibly. know. what to worry about."

this story, and millie's comment make me think of something I heard on the news the other night.  a woman was crushed by a rock falling on the car she was in.  her friend was driving her to work, and was unscathed.  the news story reported that the woman who was crushed had stopped driving herself anywhere because she was afraid something would happen to her.  turns out, if she had driven herself, she would not have been crushed by that rock.


"trying to climb up for a better view, stretching yourself tighter and tighter in order to attempt to control the future is a waste of energy.  it is also exhausting.  for you and probably for those around you.


relax into your space, luxuriate in your life -- that is how you are meant to live.  identify that feeling -- your particular feeling of you trying to be in control -- know it so you recognize it when it comes, so you can avoid it and remind yourself to relax and enjoy the flow.


let go and experience life.  it's all any of us can really do.  our ability to direct our lives is internal, not external.  we can create our world, we can remember why we came.  we can remember how to live in love."


thank you, millie.

your inner child

millie shows me two kids in a sailboat.  it feels free and fun and light and happy.  as I watch, my adult brain says danger.  there are no grownups with those kids, no one to protect them.  the boat is small and the wind is brisk and the sea is large, those kids aren't safe.

"kids have the right sense of adventure for life.  you can *do* anything, *be* anything you want.  there are no limits.  and it is fun, kids understand fun.  they don't worry about the danger, the 'what ifs', the safety factor, it doesn't cross their minds.


remember when 'what would happen if....?' was not a scary question, but one fraught with possibility?  treat life as the game it is.  let go of the responsibility for making everything work out.  you can't.  life just is.


find that kid inside of you.  seek her out if she is hiding.  lure him out with crayons and finger paint.  reconnect.  remember.  the child inside you has a great deal of wisdom about how to move through the world.  ask your inner child for advice.  listen to the answers."

walls

millie shows me a human figure with their nose right up against a very tall brick wall that seems to go on forever to each side.


"you create your walls.  you make them big and strong because you believe in them.  they look big and solid up close, but they are energetic walls, not physical ones."

the view changes, as the human begins to float a little, the wall becomes smaller and more transparent.  the human floats above the wall and looks down on a maze of similar wall segments.


"the more you flow, the smaller the walls get.  you can make them disappear completely.  don't believe in them.  live your life in joy, moment to moment.  the walls will dissolve.


stop worrying about the future.  call your energy back to the present moment -- how do you feel right now?  focus on what makes you feel good.  each moment is infinite and full of possibility.


staying in the moment helps with the flow, helps you stay out of fear, helps  you connect with joy."

now she shows me a cobblestone street.  directly around me, inside my personal space, the stones are precious gems.


"only by staying in the moment will you see the gems, the gifts your life has for you.  slow down.  look around.  don't just notice it, let it in.  remove your focus from your busy life, your worries.  be present in the moment and feel your gifts.  treasure them."

I stopped getting new information, but millie didn't leave my lap like she usually does when I've 'got it.'  so I asked, am I missing a key piece?

"you're not *doing* it."

ah.  true, I was not.  thinking about living in the moment is not the same thing as actually doing it.  I managed a few seconds of truly living in the moment, and then I had to go home and feed the dogs.  give it a try, it's as hard as you make it for yourself, to quote a furry friend of mine.

symphony of love

there was more to millie's message yesterday than I was able to express.  I asked her to explain it a different way today to see if I could expand on it.  she showed me crystals in a honeycomb arrangement, nearly touching but not quite, and with an undefinable substance flowing between them.


"the crystals are individual humans.  the substance flowing between the crystals is the love field, the life force, the "stuff" that we all exist in that connects us all.


crystals are a good example because they can hold a vibration.  so can you.  if you vibrate singly, it can be beautiful but disorganized when looked at as a whole.  if everyone is vibrating on their own frequency, some vibrations will cancel others out and the overall effect is a little noisy.


if you vibrate together, it is a symphony."

in the past you have told us to vibrate at our own particular vibration, to vibrate at 'me.'


"yes.  in that context I said it is better not to try to lower your vibration to match that of others.  now I am suggesting that you direct your own *individual* vibration toward a common goal.  like an orchestra...  right now humans sound like an orchestra that is tuning up, not yet playing together.  it is noisy and chaotic.  each individual instrument makes a beautiful sound, but together all you are producing is noise.


I am suggesting that you begin to participate in the symphony as a group."

how do we do that?


"intend it.  vibrate at love.  let it flow through and around you, filling the space between you and the next.  as more of you vibrate at love, in harmony, it will become easier for the rest."

thank you, millie.

who am I?

"every being, in or out of body, is the perfect expression of itself.  you are the answer to the question that only you being you can answer.  you are the solution to the puzzle of you.  you are the key to the lock that only your key can open.  only you can fit perfectly into your place in the everything."

millie shows me fish swimming.


"fish move through their world with ease, as perfect fish.  water is life-force, part of the everything that we all move through, it's just easier to see as water.  where the water touches the fish, the place where the water and the fish meet, is an intersection.  


where you intersect with all of creation -- physically, mentally, energetically -- that space is magical.  bring your focus to that space, not totally inward, not totally outside of yourself, but where you meet with everything else.  that is a sacred place.  a place of infinite possibility.  all of the answers to the question that is you, happen in that space.  feel the oneness that we are all a part of, then feel the tiny speck that you are in the everythingness."

a human teacher of mine calls this space that you are talking about the 'crossroads.'


"it goes by many names.  recognize it by its electric feeling, by the way you can be all at once an atom and the entire universe, shrinking and expanding at the same time.  that feeling means you have found the space."

what do we do when we find it?


"just be.  feel the love that you are, that is everything.  connect."

thank you, millie.

perspective shift

I ask, what's the topic today, millie?

picture a beautiful scene, like the dawn of the morning after a huge storm, the seas are still rough and dark and the sky is beginning to lighten.  the clouds are a deep purple against rosy-peach sky.  then the scene starts to shrink, like it is moving away or you are moving backwards.  as it shrinks, the edge of the scene appears and it has a border, like a thin frame.  the storm-aftermath scene grows smaller and smaller until it is no longer visible in the distance.

as it shrinks, your awareness of your surroundings grows.  you are sitting on a beautiful white sand beach, with crystal blue gently waving water and warm sunshine.  a gentle breeze tickles your face.


"the storms you experience are a matter of your perspective.  you choose to stay in the frame and engage with the storm, or you choose to move beyond the frame and the storm becomes a tiny speck in the everythingness around you.


frames are made up of beliefs and fears that keep you thinking a certain way.  you need to release your fears or reexamine your beliefs in order to step through the frame, to step out of the picture you are stuck in.


examine your fears and closely held beliefs.  are they keeping you in a frame?  there are many different frames in your life.  are there any you are ready to let go of?"


thank you, millie.

thought energy

millie shows me a clumsy caveman type tool, it looks like a rock tied to a stick.  then she shifts the scene to a beautiful painting.  the art is alive, three dimensional, moving.  the artists are humans with faeries flitting about and other luminous beings.

"humans have evolved in their ability to create their world.  at first there was a lot of violence inherent in the process, violence done to you and violence done by you.  your tools have evolved as your awareness and understanding has changed.  you have moved from stone hammers to paint brushes.  from knives to pens.  from physical violence to verbal and mental violence, and beyond.


you continue to evolve, and the next step is to increase your awareness of the energy of your thoughts.  thoughts *are* energy.  they count.


you tend to automatically follow the dark threads in your thoughts, you focus on them out of habit.  increase your awareness of light and shadow.  be aware when you start to follow dark thought-threads.  you can stop yourself.  the more you practice, the more aware you become, the more quickly you can stop yourself from following a dark thread.


look for light threads.  follow those instead.  focus on what makes you happy.  think about what makes you feel good.  where your thoughts are focused, that is what will increase in your life.  you will attract more of what you pay attention to.  


look for the light, it will come."

thank you, millie

love each other

millie shows me a steel bear trap around a human heart.  the trap is made up of fear.  then she shows me a heart beating inside a locked wooden box (a la pirates of the caribbean).  that picture represents taking no risks, no chances, giving yourself no opportunity to be hurt.  but that also limits your opportunities to love and be loved.

"emotional pain is a picture you paint for yourself.  it is mainly about fear of pain, not the actual pain itself.  the fear is the thing you work so hard to avoid.


look at the fear.  name it.  trying to protect yourself from what you fear can push you into it.  if you are afraid of being alone, for instance, your efforts to hang on to someone may push them away, leaving you alone.  or you may push them away yourself, in the weird-human-logic way that you have -- 'if I cause the pain myself, it won't be so bad.'


look at the fear, get to know it, so it doesn't motivate you.  or if it does motivate you at least you are aware.


humans are meant to dance together in a joyous, exuberant dance.  not a few.  all of you.  dance in lightness and love.


look at everyone through love-colored glasses.  look past their behavior, look into their souls.  love them."

thank you, millie.

your path

millie shows me a path that drops suddenly down a very steep slope.  the part on the ground turns into a slide.  there is also a zip line that follows the path, that would put you on the same path where the slide ends.  both choices involve a leap of faith.  either you slide straight down a steep incline, not knowing where you will end up, or you attach yourself to a zip line and jump, not knowing where you will end up.


"the way you know *your* path from every other path is excitement, enthusiasm and ease.  it can be a leap of faith, it can be a little scary, but it is never an uphill battle.  it is never defeating or difficult.  it is always exhilarating."

I think of my experience in graduate school... what a huge uphill climb that was.  full of my own pictures of a successful life, full of 'shoulds.'


"your true path unfolds before you as you go.  it can be scary, but it does not involve effort.  it does not have to be hard to be worthwhile.  managing your fear is the hardest part.


you have a lot of wisdom.  give yourself permission to access it.  you are complete.  don't look outside yourself for answers.  don't give others more credit that you give yourself.  your personal power is unequalled.  it is all you need.  no one has more knowledge about *you* and *your path* than you.


if you are in the flow, you cannot *not* follow your path -- it is inevitable.  whatever path you take will turn into your path, there is no way to screw this up.


love you.  love is all you need."

again with the beatles music.  =)

thank you, millie.

edge of existence

millie shows me a small cottage on a cliff by the sea.  I am viewing it from a distance, it is attractive and very isolated.  the wind is blowing the clouds across the sky, huge waves are pounding the cliffside.


"humans feel very alone, an island unto yourselves.  from your perspective, inside your head, you have a tremendous amount of space around you, between you and others.  this is natural, it is part of the human condition."

she then shows me what looks like outlines of human forms all jiggling together in a giant bowl of jello.


"you exist as an island, and you also exist as a connected whole.  everyone is a part of the energy field, every thought, every tiny movement is felt by all.  both of these are true.  this is the dichotomy of life."

the picture zooms in on the intersection between one of the human forms and the jello.  she sends me a zingy, crackly feeling that is happening along the intersection between the personal bubble and everything else.  it feels like pop rocks candy in your mouth, little tiny explosions happening all over.


"this is the hot zone.  the place where 'I' meets 'we' is the edge of existence, this is where we feel alive, this intersection has the most opportunity for learning and growth.


focus on that intersection, that interaction.  fill the space with love.  love for yourself, love for others.  this will help you create your world full of love."

thank you, millie.

the inner you

millie shows me an artichoke.  it is not quite ripe, very green, with sharp, pointy leaves.  she shows it cooking in water and ending up soft and yummy in the middle.


"you are covered with scales and pointy protections, just like an artichoke.  the real you is the soft yummy center.  that is your heart-centered self.


you can split that outer layer of self-created shell and just walk away.  you can walk your path naked and heart-centered, giving others permission to do the same.  you can be your true self, all the time, with no hard edges.  you are all headed in that direction, follow your inner guidance, wherever that may lead you.  even if it seems to be leading you in circles, or over ground you have already covered, trust it.  follow it."

it would be nice if we could just get there already, I say with some impatience.

she shows me a speedboat, zooming over the water in a haphazard pattern.

"your pace is not your vibration.  increasing your pace will not increase your vibration.  zipping around like mad will not give you the answers you seek, it will just make you frantic.  it is difficult to get in touch with yourself and the world around you if you are frantic."

I don't know how to walk in the world without my covering, without my protection.  I don't know how to be that person.

"it can take an artichoke some time to be fully cooked."


she sends me the beatle's song 'all you need is love,' -- it is coming through on an old wooden radio, and I have to continually adjust the dial a little bit to get the song to come in strong and clear. 


"give yourself permission, give yourself time.  live in the moment.  enjoy your process.  you will know when you are ready."

does wanting it count for anything?

"absolutely."

thank you, millie.

personal power

"within you lives a warrior, a sage and a child.  these three parts of you need to be in balance in order for you to fully access your personal power.  the energy must flow equally to and from all three.


the warrior is your protector, your shield.  if too much energy goes to the warrior, you will be too adversarial, you will be cut off from your wisdom and your ability to learn new things.


the sage is your center of wisdom.  if too much energy goes to the sage, you will be disconnected from reality, living too much in an esoteric world of your own creation.  you will be living somewhere outside of yourself, and thus will find it very difficult to integrate.


the child is your learner, your center of discovery and play.  your child helps you be flexible and adapt to change.  if too much energy goes to the child you will relinquish personal authority and be too inclined to rely on what others say.  you will not have enough access to your personal wisdom and power."

millie shows me a warrior, sage and child sitting in a circle around a glowing blue orb.  the energy flow is visible, and is swirling around all three figures equally.


"ideally, the flow of energy is balanced, touching each equally, and each is contributing equally to the energy flow.  the more balanced the flow, the more connected you are to yourself and the more you feel your personal power.


the glowing blue orb in the center is where synergy happens, that is your true essence.


if too much energy is flowing to or from one or two of these aspects of yourself, you will become unbalanced and the energy gets heavy and tilts to one side, causing even more unbalance.


if you are feeling unbalanced, call a meeting.  have your warrior, your sage and your child sit down in a circle and focus on the swirling energy.  focus on getting it to swirl evenly and on getting the blue orb to glow and float, effortlessly.


practice drawing on all three aspects, have them speak as one.  they are you.  you are all.


if you are hesitant about how to say something, close your eyes for a moment and touch the orb, connect with your wisdom.


picture all of this occurring inside of you, not separate from you."

thank you, millie.

sunlight & shadow

I wanted to hear more about how to integrate my dark and my light --  how to accept all parts of me.

millie showed me a human figure walking in the sunlight.  when the human figure was turned away from its shadow, the shadow was huge and looming and threatening.  it was shaped like a monster.  when the human turned to face its shadow, the shadow instantly shrank to the size and shape of a mouse.  the figure picked up its mouse shadow and held it gently.


"you are already integrated.  the difficulty you cause yourself is by denying or hiding or rejecting your dark.  to judge yourself for having experienced the dark, the lower vibrations, is like judging yourself for having a shadow in the sunshine, it makes no sense at all.  your experience with the dark gives you contrast, it makes you fully who you are. it gives you depth.  treasure that.  treasure you.  and know that when you turn to face your shadow it is going to be much easier than you expect.


THERE. IS. NO. JUDGMENT. OUTSIDE. OF. YOUR. HEAD."

millie wants this to be clear.


"no independent tribunal.  no judgment day.  only you.  you and the vibration you hold and your preference about that."

so why do I feel I need to forgive myself for dabbling in the dark?


"because you still believe in judgment.  it is still a part of your psyche."

I understand what you are saying, intellectually.  but judgment has a very tight grip on me.  as do right and wrong, good and bad.


"just practice thinking outside that paradigm.  practice using ideas that are unfamiliar.  it will loosen judgment's grip if you step away from those beliefs occasionally."

so, my darker marshmallows are just squished in with my lighter ones, giving my experience its own particular color?

"exactly."

so what now?  besides trying out new ideas, I mean.


"you must love yourself.  all of you.  embrace the whole you, light and dark together.  vibrate at you.  love your vibration."

okay.  thank you, millie.

good & bad

I asked millie about right and wrong, bad and good.  I am having a hard time accepting that they do not exist.

"bad and good are judgments.  they are not based on what exists, but on what you are *taught* about what exists."

but abandoning all judgment is counter to our evolutionary path.  judgment is what kept us alive, judging whether that person or animal is dangerous was key to survival, still is, in many cases.

"this is a vocabulary exercise.  when you assess whether someone or something is dangerous to your survival, that is different from judging that someone or something to be bad.  these are two separate ideas, the dangerousness of a thing and it's relative 'badness.'  humans frequently take the shortcut and just lump the two together.  and the 'badness' of a thing is something you made up.  it doesn't exist.


there is no good or bad.  there is no right or wrong.  there is only dark and light.  and then there are your preferences about the two.  do not confuse your preference for a thing for its 'rightness.'  it is just a preference.


humans are really hung up on the whole right and wrong thing.  let it go.  let go of the judgment."

abandoning judgments of everyone, including ourselves, seems god-like.

"yes."

is that too much to expect from ourselves?

"no.  judgment is a habit, deeply ingrained through many lifetimes.  it was taught.  but you can let go of old habits and the fear that keeps you in them."

it's pretty simple, isn't it, what you are teaching?  vibrate at me, allow others to do the same, and live in love.

"yes."

the concept is simple, but implementation...

"is as hard as you make it for yourself."

ah.

are there others like you on the planet?

"yes."

are they all animals?


"not all.  but those who choose to come as animals are here to help you more directly as you learn to raise your vibration."

if there is no good or bad, why are we raising the vibration of the planet?

"to see if we can.  we have a preference.  this planet is of the light.  this planet is love.  it is time."