conflict

"conflict is a habit.  in many cases you can avoid it by deconstructing your own position.  chances are good that your position contains a variety of judgments.  'they should do this.'  'they shouldn't have done that.'  'if they had/hadn't [fill in the blank] then this wouldn't have happened.'


the problem with conflict is it blinds you to the connection, the love, the common purpose.


conflict is harder to avoid when you are reacting in the moment, but it is possible.  take time, look inside yourself.  how much of the conflict is yours alone?  if you did not carry that conflict forward, if you did not provide it with a safe and comfortable place to rest, would it go away?


sometimes the answer is no.  sometimes the safe and comfortable place lies with the other person.  but you can let go of your part.  you can give it  less of a foothold.  you can release your negative feelings and absolve yourself of any responsibility for maintaining the conflict.


what would happen in the world if you stopped responding when someone hands you a conflict?  if you refused to play your part?"

millie sent me this message as I was in the midst of dealing with my own unpleasant feelings about what someone did not do that I considered to be their responsibility, in fact I pay them to do it.  I am not proud to report that my anger over the situation was completely my responsibility.  true, they were supposed to do it.  true, they didn't.  but I exaggerated the negative effect of their failure to do it, in order to fuel my anger, to provide my feelings of conflict a 'safe, comfortable' place to sit.  I am right about the facts, but my choices around that (being angry and sending negative energy to others) can't be construed as 'right.'

"right does not matter.  humans are so caught up in who is 'right.'  right is relative to the situation, not an abstract or absolute truth."

so our legal system has it all wrong, huh?


"there is no absolute 'right' that can be applied from outside a particular situation or interaction between people.  the 'right' for that situation or interaction is dependent on the people involved.  on the energy involved.


if someone agreed to do something and they are not doing it, why aren't they doing it?  is it possible for them to do it?  do they want to do it?  if they are abandoning a promise or agreement, there is always a reason.  your judgment of the 'rightness' of their reason is what causes the conflict.  or your disregard of the possibility that they may have a reason at all.


every interaction is a gift.  every interaction is a relationship.  rather than looking for ways to make another wrong, look for *your* gift in the situation.  how will this help you on your soul path?  what is your lesson?"

thank you, millie.