sharks

sometimes I am not quite clear on millie's message.  perhaps this one is for someone else.  perhaps I just haven't yet tripped on the problem she is outlining.  it is hardest to see yourself.  

she shows me a shark.  as I sometimes do, I mentally erase it, thinking that can't be right.  she shows me the same shark again.


"sharks are loners, an evolutionary dead-end.  they get most of their connection and interaction with other beings as they consume their prey.  it's a pretty solitary life.  we are not sharks.  we are social.  we are meant to interact as social creatures.  you can't hide from the growth and the learning that goes along with being a social creature, it is part of the deal you chose when you came back as human.  the interaction is the most important part."

thank you, millie.

body & spirit

I've been stewing about the idea that we are not individuals, puzzling it in my head, trying to figure out how that fits with what I think I know about the world.  millie helped me out with it today.  she showed me a turtle.


"humans are like turtles.  you tend to withdraw into your body.  that's okay, it's normal, but you can't escape spirit.  it is everywhere, inside and outside of us.  we are living the dichotomy of spirit in body.  spirit and body are two very different things.  your mind is a product of your body, which is why the body feels so real compared to spirit.  all the learning from each lifetime, each body, goes to educate all."

millie shows me light passing through a dragonfly's wings.


"bodies are like prisms.  we make sense of the light, we really experience it, we define it."

she shows me an amorphous blob, I can't really describe it, but she says it represents all of the spirit not currently in body.  it has distinct parts within that seem to hang together.  most are light, but some are dark.


"we all share a vibration with other beings and spirits in our group.  each group has a different vibration.  when you meet someone for the first time and you feel like you have known them all your life, that's because you share a similar vibration."

why are some of them dark?


"they share a preference for power and fear and violence."

what happens if we shift this planet toward the light?


"they will become uncomfortable and will go somewhere else."

are we close?


"teetering on the edge."

what can I do?


"embrace the light and love within you.  live it."

why are the bodies so important?


"we learn more from the struggle to exist as both, much more than without the body."

so there is no struggle when we are not in body?


"we are more like observers then."

I feel like I've got it, but millie hasn't left my chest yet.

can I type now?


"almost."

what am I missing?


"it is the *interaction* between bodies, between different energies and vibrations and spirits, that is so important, so educational.  focus on your interactions.  that is how to share the love."

anything else?


"this is easy.  let go and feel the flow."

she has me zoom in on an issue in my life, then zoom out to see the issue in the full context of my life, then we zoom out even further to see my life in the context of everything.

wow.  thanks, millie.

flowers

just as with the trees, millie is showing me field full of wildflowers.  we zoom in on a yellow one, missing half its petals, then out again to see the whole meadow.  we zoom in on a white one, with a crooked stem, then out again to the wide meadow.


"humans are like that.  you all have flaws.  none of you are a perfect specimen, there is no such thing as perfect.  each of you is full of beauty and you contribute to a greater beauty.  taken as a whole, you are really quite lovely."

what makes us lovely?


"many of you shine with a special light.  more and more of you are shining all the time.  it doesn't really make sense to talk about 'we' and 'you' and 'us' and 'them.'  we are all one.  you see yourselves as individuals but you are also part of a larger, connected whole.  it is easier to see humanity as a group when you are not currently human."

millie shows me the whole earth with people all over the place shining their lights out into space.  it really is very pretty.

so, what do we do now?


"live your life.  be who you are.  learn.  grow.  give others permission to learn and grow.  you don't have to 'do' anything.  you are being it.  you are all meant to shine as gods, as goddesses, as the source shines, as I shine."

millie is sitting across my chest, purring.  I have my eyes closed, but I 'look' down at her and she is glowing gold.

I thought that was the message for the day, but she had more.  I had a hard time picking the right word for what she said next...


"your individuality is a mask, shield, tool."

a tool for what?


"for discovering the truth about you."

and that is?


"that there is no such thing as individuality.  not the way you think of it, as though you are truly alone and separate.  you and I are one.  I am you, giving you a message for yourself.  you are me, giving me a gift from myself.  everyone you meet is a mirror."

I don't like the sound of that.  I *like* my individuality.


"we are individual expressions of the same thing."

then what is the point?


"curiosity.  learning.  growth."

I am not happy with the idea that all of creation is for the amusement and entertainment of a bored source.


"we are *all* source.  there is no source apart from all of us.  *we* choose this."

why?


"why not?  what else would we be doing?"

I don't want to be everyone.  I don't want everyone to be me.


"only in a larger sense is this true.  the flowers are still flowers, it's just that the meadow is really really big.  you are still you, with your own particular mission and lessons to learn."

hmmm.  I will have to think about this, I'm having a hard time getting my head around it.


"saying we are all one is not the same as saying we are all the *same* one.  we are just made of the same 'stuff.'"

I'm kind of attached to my me-ness.  I guess I will need to look at why that is.

thank you, millie.

forest & trees

millie shows me an eagle flying high.  it can see all the small things on the ground, but it is soaring high above them.  it's a very powerful picture.


"view your life from a broader perspective.  humans tend to get bogged down in the minutiae of your lives.  notice the small things, appreciate them for what they bring to your life, but don't get caught up in them."

I'm having a hard time reconciling this advice with the 'slow down and appreciate the gems in your life' advice.


"take time to *see* the gems around you, but also look at your life from a higher place -- notice how the small things fit in with everything else.  be engaged with your life and simultaneously able to see it from a distance."

she shows me a heavily wooded slope.  we zoom in on a tree, we can even see a bird on a branch, then our perspective shifts and we are looking at the whole forest.  she takes me back and forth between the two perspectives a few times... tree, forest, tree, forest.  then suddenly we are looking both at the tree AND the forest at the same time.


"see the parts of your life from a broader perspective, as part of the rich and varied tapestry of *everything*.  re-examine the true size and importance of things that bother or upset you.  they are not as large as they seem if you zoom out.  put them in perspective.  soar above them.  you may find that what bothered you yesterday is not so important today.  give it a try."

I practice this perspective thing she is talking about.  I look at my daily annoyances, then zoom out and look at the miracle of my life as a whole.  I do this several times, like she showed me with the trees, and then something shifts.  it gets easier, for one thing, and new connections become visible between people, animals, everything.  everyone and everything is connected, and the connections show up as gold strings, lines, pipes, leading from each being to everything around it.


"that's it, you've got it."

thank you, millie.

brain storm

some days I hear millie perfectly and it is easy and fluid.  some days it takes me forever to catch even a little piece of her story, what she is telling me.  those days are frustrating.  today was one of those days.  finally, my brain shut up enough that I could see the picture she was sending me, of a thunderstorm moving through, complete with dark clouds and lightning and thunder, with lots of tension in the air.


"once the storm moves through and the atmosphere clears, everything is calmer and you can hear better."

so I have thunderstorms in my brain?


"electrical storms, yes."

how do I calm them down?


"you know how.  find your center.  ground.  sit in silence and intend to quiet yourself.  use your tools."

why do they happen?


"it is normal.  maybe from habit, from the way you prepare yourself to face the world or respond to certain situations."

she shows me a train running on a track.


"your habits, your ways of thinking and being, are deeply ingrained.  like a train on a track, it is difficult for you to travel anywhere except on the tracks you have built for yourself."

so how do I change my thinking?  I start to picture building new tracks, but she interrupts that thought and shows me a scene with no tracks at all.


"you don't need your tracks.  you can decide in each moment what to think, how to act.  you don't need old programming telling you what to do.  try moving through your life with no tracks -- see how that goes."

wow.  okay, I'll try.

thank you, millie.

the myth of control

millie shows me two scenes simultaneously.  in both scenes, a woman is walking through a field of head high wheat.  it is impossible for them to see where they are going.  the first person is enjoying the walk, noticing the color of the sky, the feel of the wheat brushing her skin, the smell of the earth, the hum of the insects.  the first person is connected to the world around her.  she is curious, but not afraid.

the second person is anxious, always trying to see what is up ahead, not taking the time to enjoy the walk, the sunshine, the experience.  she is not connected to the world around her, she is barely connected to herself.  all of her focus and energy is being thrown out in front of her to try and achieve the impossible-- to see what is coming before it gets here.

because the second person is so hyper alert, she catches a glimpse of a tiger ahead in the distance.  she instantly goes into fear overdrive, into emotional red alert.  she is sure the tiger will eat her at any moment, so she redoubles her efforts to see what is coming, to foretell her future.  the more she tries to see the path ahead but cannot, the more afraid and anxious and disconnected she becomes.

suddenly, they walk into a clearing, where there is a circus -- complete with circus animals.  the first person is delighted and relaxed and enjoys this bit of serendipity with all of her focus.  the second person nearly collapses from exhaustion and relief that the tiger cannot eat her, she cannot focus herself enough to enjoy the show, and she immediately starts to worry about the next invisible 'threat' down the road.


"these scenes are of the same person, making two different choices.  you can choose to live in the moment, enjoying what comes your way, or you can choose to be tense and anxious and fearful.  it is completely up to you.


there is absolutely no sense in worrying about anything.  you. can't. possibly. know. what to worry about."

this story, and millie's comment make me think of something I heard on the news the other night.  a woman was crushed by a rock falling on the car she was in.  her friend was driving her to work, and was unscathed.  the news story reported that the woman who was crushed had stopped driving herself anywhere because she was afraid something would happen to her.  turns out, if she had driven herself, she would not have been crushed by that rock.


"trying to climb up for a better view, stretching yourself tighter and tighter in order to attempt to control the future is a waste of energy.  it is also exhausting.  for you and probably for those around you.


relax into your space, luxuriate in your life -- that is how you are meant to live.  identify that feeling -- your particular feeling of you trying to be in control -- know it so you recognize it when it comes, so you can avoid it and remind yourself to relax and enjoy the flow.


let go and experience life.  it's all any of us can really do.  our ability to direct our lives is internal, not external.  we can create our world, we can remember why we came.  we can remember how to live in love."


thank you, millie.

your inner child

millie shows me two kids in a sailboat.  it feels free and fun and light and happy.  as I watch, my adult brain says danger.  there are no grownups with those kids, no one to protect them.  the boat is small and the wind is brisk and the sea is large, those kids aren't safe.

"kids have the right sense of adventure for life.  you can *do* anything, *be* anything you want.  there are no limits.  and it is fun, kids understand fun.  they don't worry about the danger, the 'what ifs', the safety factor, it doesn't cross their minds.


remember when 'what would happen if....?' was not a scary question, but one fraught with possibility?  treat life as the game it is.  let go of the responsibility for making everything work out.  you can't.  life just is.


find that kid inside of you.  seek her out if she is hiding.  lure him out with crayons and finger paint.  reconnect.  remember.  the child inside you has a great deal of wisdom about how to move through the world.  ask your inner child for advice.  listen to the answers."