flowers

just as with the trees, millie is showing me field full of wildflowers.  we zoom in on a yellow one, missing half its petals, then out again to see the whole meadow.  we zoom in on a white one, with a crooked stem, then out again to the wide meadow.


"humans are like that.  you all have flaws.  none of you are a perfect specimen, there is no such thing as perfect.  each of you is full of beauty and you contribute to a greater beauty.  taken as a whole, you are really quite lovely."

what makes us lovely?


"many of you shine with a special light.  more and more of you are shining all the time.  it doesn't really make sense to talk about 'we' and 'you' and 'us' and 'them.'  we are all one.  you see yourselves as individuals but you are also part of a larger, connected whole.  it is easier to see humanity as a group when you are not currently human."

millie shows me the whole earth with people all over the place shining their lights out into space.  it really is very pretty.

so, what do we do now?


"live your life.  be who you are.  learn.  grow.  give others permission to learn and grow.  you don't have to 'do' anything.  you are being it.  you are all meant to shine as gods, as goddesses, as the source shines, as I shine."

millie is sitting across my chest, purring.  I have my eyes closed, but I 'look' down at her and she is glowing gold.

I thought that was the message for the day, but she had more.  I had a hard time picking the right word for what she said next...


"your individuality is a mask, shield, tool."

a tool for what?


"for discovering the truth about you."

and that is?


"that there is no such thing as individuality.  not the way you think of it, as though you are truly alone and separate.  you and I are one.  I am you, giving you a message for yourself.  you are me, giving me a gift from myself.  everyone you meet is a mirror."

I don't like the sound of that.  I *like* my individuality.


"we are individual expressions of the same thing."

then what is the point?


"curiosity.  learning.  growth."

I am not happy with the idea that all of creation is for the amusement and entertainment of a bored source.


"we are *all* source.  there is no source apart from all of us.  *we* choose this."

why?


"why not?  what else would we be doing?"

I don't want to be everyone.  I don't want everyone to be me.


"only in a larger sense is this true.  the flowers are still flowers, it's just that the meadow is really really big.  you are still you, with your own particular mission and lessons to learn."

hmmm.  I will have to think about this, I'm having a hard time getting my head around it.


"saying we are all one is not the same as saying we are all the *same* one.  we are just made of the same 'stuff.'"

I'm kind of attached to my me-ness.  I guess I will need to look at why that is.

thank you, millie.

forest & trees

millie shows me an eagle flying high.  it can see all the small things on the ground, but it is soaring high above them.  it's a very powerful picture.


"view your life from a broader perspective.  humans tend to get bogged down in the minutiae of your lives.  notice the small things, appreciate them for what they bring to your life, but don't get caught up in them."

I'm having a hard time reconciling this advice with the 'slow down and appreciate the gems in your life' advice.


"take time to *see* the gems around you, but also look at your life from a higher place -- notice how the small things fit in with everything else.  be engaged with your life and simultaneously able to see it from a distance."

she shows me a heavily wooded slope.  we zoom in on a tree, we can even see a bird on a branch, then our perspective shifts and we are looking at the whole forest.  she takes me back and forth between the two perspectives a few times... tree, forest, tree, forest.  then suddenly we are looking both at the tree AND the forest at the same time.


"see the parts of your life from a broader perspective, as part of the rich and varied tapestry of *everything*.  re-examine the true size and importance of things that bother or upset you.  they are not as large as they seem if you zoom out.  put them in perspective.  soar above them.  you may find that what bothered you yesterday is not so important today.  give it a try."

I practice this perspective thing she is talking about.  I look at my daily annoyances, then zoom out and look at the miracle of my life as a whole.  I do this several times, like she showed me with the trees, and then something shifts.  it gets easier, for one thing, and new connections become visible between people, animals, everything.  everyone and everything is connected, and the connections show up as gold strings, lines, pipes, leading from each being to everything around it.


"that's it, you've got it."

thank you, millie.

brain storm

some days I hear millie perfectly and it is easy and fluid.  some days it takes me forever to catch even a little piece of her story, what she is telling me.  those days are frustrating.  today was one of those days.  finally, my brain shut up enough that I could see the picture she was sending me, of a thunderstorm moving through, complete with dark clouds and lightning and thunder, with lots of tension in the air.


"once the storm moves through and the atmosphere clears, everything is calmer and you can hear better."

so I have thunderstorms in my brain?


"electrical storms, yes."

how do I calm them down?


"you know how.  find your center.  ground.  sit in silence and intend to quiet yourself.  use your tools."

why do they happen?


"it is normal.  maybe from habit, from the way you prepare yourself to face the world or respond to certain situations."

she shows me a train running on a track.


"your habits, your ways of thinking and being, are deeply ingrained.  like a train on a track, it is difficult for you to travel anywhere except on the tracks you have built for yourself."

so how do I change my thinking?  I start to picture building new tracks, but she interrupts that thought and shows me a scene with no tracks at all.


"you don't need your tracks.  you can decide in each moment what to think, how to act.  you don't need old programming telling you what to do.  try moving through your life with no tracks -- see how that goes."

wow.  okay, I'll try.

thank you, millie.

the myth of control

millie shows me two scenes simultaneously.  in both scenes, a woman is walking through a field of head high wheat.  it is impossible for them to see where they are going.  the first person is enjoying the walk, noticing the color of the sky, the feel of the wheat brushing her skin, the smell of the earth, the hum of the insects.  the first person is connected to the world around her.  she is curious, but not afraid.

the second person is anxious, always trying to see what is up ahead, not taking the time to enjoy the walk, the sunshine, the experience.  she is not connected to the world around her, she is barely connected to herself.  all of her focus and energy is being thrown out in front of her to try and achieve the impossible-- to see what is coming before it gets here.

because the second person is so hyper alert, she catches a glimpse of a tiger ahead in the distance.  she instantly goes into fear overdrive, into emotional red alert.  she is sure the tiger will eat her at any moment, so she redoubles her efforts to see what is coming, to foretell her future.  the more she tries to see the path ahead but cannot, the more afraid and anxious and disconnected she becomes.

suddenly, they walk into a clearing, where there is a circus -- complete with circus animals.  the first person is delighted and relaxed and enjoys this bit of serendipity with all of her focus.  the second person nearly collapses from exhaustion and relief that the tiger cannot eat her, she cannot focus herself enough to enjoy the show, and she immediately starts to worry about the next invisible 'threat' down the road.


"these scenes are of the same person, making two different choices.  you can choose to live in the moment, enjoying what comes your way, or you can choose to be tense and anxious and fearful.  it is completely up to you.


there is absolutely no sense in worrying about anything.  you. can't. possibly. know. what to worry about."

this story, and millie's comment make me think of something I heard on the news the other night.  a woman was crushed by a rock falling on the car she was in.  her friend was driving her to work, and was unscathed.  the news story reported that the woman who was crushed had stopped driving herself anywhere because she was afraid something would happen to her.  turns out, if she had driven herself, she would not have been crushed by that rock.


"trying to climb up for a better view, stretching yourself tighter and tighter in order to attempt to control the future is a waste of energy.  it is also exhausting.  for you and probably for those around you.


relax into your space, luxuriate in your life -- that is how you are meant to live.  identify that feeling -- your particular feeling of you trying to be in control -- know it so you recognize it when it comes, so you can avoid it and remind yourself to relax and enjoy the flow.


let go and experience life.  it's all any of us can really do.  our ability to direct our lives is internal, not external.  we can create our world, we can remember why we came.  we can remember how to live in love."


thank you, millie.

your inner child

millie shows me two kids in a sailboat.  it feels free and fun and light and happy.  as I watch, my adult brain says danger.  there are no grownups with those kids, no one to protect them.  the boat is small and the wind is brisk and the sea is large, those kids aren't safe.

"kids have the right sense of adventure for life.  you can *do* anything, *be* anything you want.  there are no limits.  and it is fun, kids understand fun.  they don't worry about the danger, the 'what ifs', the safety factor, it doesn't cross their minds.


remember when 'what would happen if....?' was not a scary question, but one fraught with possibility?  treat life as the game it is.  let go of the responsibility for making everything work out.  you can't.  life just is.


find that kid inside of you.  seek her out if she is hiding.  lure him out with crayons and finger paint.  reconnect.  remember.  the child inside you has a great deal of wisdom about how to move through the world.  ask your inner child for advice.  listen to the answers."

walls

millie shows me a human figure with their nose right up against a very tall brick wall that seems to go on forever to each side.


"you create your walls.  you make them big and strong because you believe in them.  they look big and solid up close, but they are energetic walls, not physical ones."

the view changes, as the human begins to float a little, the wall becomes smaller and more transparent.  the human floats above the wall and looks down on a maze of similar wall segments.


"the more you flow, the smaller the walls get.  you can make them disappear completely.  don't believe in them.  live your life in joy, moment to moment.  the walls will dissolve.


stop worrying about the future.  call your energy back to the present moment -- how do you feel right now?  focus on what makes you feel good.  each moment is infinite and full of possibility.


staying in the moment helps with the flow, helps you stay out of fear, helps  you connect with joy."

now she shows me a cobblestone street.  directly around me, inside my personal space, the stones are precious gems.


"only by staying in the moment will you see the gems, the gifts your life has for you.  slow down.  look around.  don't just notice it, let it in.  remove your focus from your busy life, your worries.  be present in the moment and feel your gifts.  treasure them."

I stopped getting new information, but millie didn't leave my lap like she usually does when I've 'got it.'  so I asked, am I missing a key piece?

"you're not *doing* it."

ah.  true, I was not.  thinking about living in the moment is not the same thing as actually doing it.  I managed a few seconds of truly living in the moment, and then I had to go home and feed the dogs.  give it a try, it's as hard as you make it for yourself, to quote a furry friend of mine.

symphony of love

there was more to millie's message yesterday than I was able to express.  I asked her to explain it a different way today to see if I could expand on it.  she showed me crystals in a honeycomb arrangement, nearly touching but not quite, and with an undefinable substance flowing between them.


"the crystals are individual humans.  the substance flowing between the crystals is the love field, the life force, the "stuff" that we all exist in that connects us all.


crystals are a good example because they can hold a vibration.  so can you.  if you vibrate singly, it can be beautiful but disorganized when looked at as a whole.  if everyone is vibrating on their own frequency, some vibrations will cancel others out and the overall effect is a little noisy.


if you vibrate together, it is a symphony."

in the past you have told us to vibrate at our own particular vibration, to vibrate at 'me.'


"yes.  in that context I said it is better not to try to lower your vibration to match that of others.  now I am suggesting that you direct your own *individual* vibration toward a common goal.  like an orchestra...  right now humans sound like an orchestra that is tuning up, not yet playing together.  it is noisy and chaotic.  each individual instrument makes a beautiful sound, but together all you are producing is noise.


I am suggesting that you begin to participate in the symphony as a group."

how do we do that?


"intend it.  vibrate at love.  let it flow through and around you, filling the space between you and the next.  as more of you vibrate at love, in harmony, it will become easier for the rest."

thank you, millie.

who am I?

"every being, in or out of body, is the perfect expression of itself.  you are the answer to the question that only you being you can answer.  you are the solution to the puzzle of you.  you are the key to the lock that only your key can open.  only you can fit perfectly into your place in the everything."

millie shows me fish swimming.


"fish move through their world with ease, as perfect fish.  water is life-force, part of the everything that we all move through, it's just easier to see as water.  where the water touches the fish, the place where the water and the fish meet, is an intersection.  


where you intersect with all of creation -- physically, mentally, energetically -- that space is magical.  bring your focus to that space, not totally inward, not totally outside of yourself, but where you meet with everything else.  that is a sacred place.  a place of infinite possibility.  all of the answers to the question that is you, happen in that space.  feel the oneness that we are all a part of, then feel the tiny speck that you are in the everythingness."

a human teacher of mine calls this space that you are talking about the 'crossroads.'


"it goes by many names.  recognize it by its electric feeling, by the way you can be all at once an atom and the entire universe, shrinking and expanding at the same time.  that feeling means you have found the space."

what do we do when we find it?


"just be.  feel the love that you are, that is everything.  connect."

thank you, millie.

perspective shift

I ask, what's the topic today, millie?

picture a beautiful scene, like the dawn of the morning after a huge storm, the seas are still rough and dark and the sky is beginning to lighten.  the clouds are a deep purple against rosy-peach sky.  then the scene starts to shrink, like it is moving away or you are moving backwards.  as it shrinks, the edge of the scene appears and it has a border, like a thin frame.  the storm-aftermath scene grows smaller and smaller until it is no longer visible in the distance.

as it shrinks, your awareness of your surroundings grows.  you are sitting on a beautiful white sand beach, with crystal blue gently waving water and warm sunshine.  a gentle breeze tickles your face.


"the storms you experience are a matter of your perspective.  you choose to stay in the frame and engage with the storm, or you choose to move beyond the frame and the storm becomes a tiny speck in the everythingness around you.


frames are made up of beliefs and fears that keep you thinking a certain way.  you need to release your fears or reexamine your beliefs in order to step through the frame, to step out of the picture you are stuck in.


examine your fears and closely held beliefs.  are they keeping you in a frame?  there are many different frames in your life.  are there any you are ready to let go of?"


thank you, millie.

thought energy

millie shows me a clumsy caveman type tool, it looks like a rock tied to a stick.  then she shifts the scene to a beautiful painting.  the art is alive, three dimensional, moving.  the artists are humans with faeries flitting about and other luminous beings.

"humans have evolved in their ability to create their world.  at first there was a lot of violence inherent in the process, violence done to you and violence done by you.  your tools have evolved as your awareness and understanding has changed.  you have moved from stone hammers to paint brushes.  from knives to pens.  from physical violence to verbal and mental violence, and beyond.


you continue to evolve, and the next step is to increase your awareness of the energy of your thoughts.  thoughts *are* energy.  they count.


you tend to automatically follow the dark threads in your thoughts, you focus on them out of habit.  increase your awareness of light and shadow.  be aware when you start to follow dark thought-threads.  you can stop yourself.  the more you practice, the more aware you become, the more quickly you can stop yourself from following a dark thread.


look for light threads.  follow those instead.  focus on what makes you happy.  think about what makes you feel good.  where your thoughts are focused, that is what will increase in your life.  you will attract more of what you pay attention to.  


look for the light, it will come."

thank you, millie

love each other

millie shows me a steel bear trap around a human heart.  the trap is made up of fear.  then she shows me a heart beating inside a locked wooden box (a la pirates of the caribbean).  that picture represents taking no risks, no chances, giving yourself no opportunity to be hurt.  but that also limits your opportunities to love and be loved.

"emotional pain is a picture you paint for yourself.  it is mainly about fear of pain, not the actual pain itself.  the fear is the thing you work so hard to avoid.


look at the fear.  name it.  trying to protect yourself from what you fear can push you into it.  if you are afraid of being alone, for instance, your efforts to hang on to someone may push them away, leaving you alone.  or you may push them away yourself, in the weird-human-logic way that you have -- 'if I cause the pain myself, it won't be so bad.'


look at the fear, get to know it, so it doesn't motivate you.  or if it does motivate you at least you are aware.


humans are meant to dance together in a joyous, exuberant dance.  not a few.  all of you.  dance in lightness and love.


look at everyone through love-colored glasses.  look past their behavior, look into their souls.  love them."

thank you, millie.

your path

millie shows me a path that drops suddenly down a very steep slope.  the part on the ground turns into a slide.  there is also a zip line that follows the path, that would put you on the same path where the slide ends.  both choices involve a leap of faith.  either you slide straight down a steep incline, not knowing where you will end up, or you attach yourself to a zip line and jump, not knowing where you will end up.


"the way you know *your* path from every other path is excitement, enthusiasm and ease.  it can be a leap of faith, it can be a little scary, but it is never an uphill battle.  it is never defeating or difficult.  it is always exhilarating."

I think of my experience in graduate school... what a huge uphill climb that was.  full of my own pictures of a successful life, full of 'shoulds.'


"your true path unfolds before you as you go.  it can be scary, but it does not involve effort.  it does not have to be hard to be worthwhile.  managing your fear is the hardest part.


you have a lot of wisdom.  give yourself permission to access it.  you are complete.  don't look outside yourself for answers.  don't give others more credit that you give yourself.  your personal power is unequalled.  it is all you need.  no one has more knowledge about *you* and *your path* than you.


if you are in the flow, you cannot *not* follow your path -- it is inevitable.  whatever path you take will turn into your path, there is no way to screw this up.


love you.  love is all you need."

again with the beatles music.  =)

thank you, millie.

edge of existence

millie shows me a small cottage on a cliff by the sea.  I am viewing it from a distance, it is attractive and very isolated.  the wind is blowing the clouds across the sky, huge waves are pounding the cliffside.


"humans feel very alone, an island unto yourselves.  from your perspective, inside your head, you have a tremendous amount of space around you, between you and others.  this is natural, it is part of the human condition."

she then shows me what looks like outlines of human forms all jiggling together in a giant bowl of jello.


"you exist as an island, and you also exist as a connected whole.  everyone is a part of the energy field, every thought, every tiny movement is felt by all.  both of these are true.  this is the dichotomy of life."

the picture zooms in on the intersection between one of the human forms and the jello.  she sends me a zingy, crackly feeling that is happening along the intersection between the personal bubble and everything else.  it feels like pop rocks candy in your mouth, little tiny explosions happening all over.


"this is the hot zone.  the place where 'I' meets 'we' is the edge of existence, this is where we feel alive, this intersection has the most opportunity for learning and growth.


focus on that intersection, that interaction.  fill the space with love.  love for yourself, love for others.  this will help you create your world full of love."

thank you, millie.

the inner you

millie shows me an artichoke.  it is not quite ripe, very green, with sharp, pointy leaves.  she shows it cooking in water and ending up soft and yummy in the middle.


"you are covered with scales and pointy protections, just like an artichoke.  the real you is the soft yummy center.  that is your heart-centered self.


you can split that outer layer of self-created shell and just walk away.  you can walk your path naked and heart-centered, giving others permission to do the same.  you can be your true self, all the time, with no hard edges.  you are all headed in that direction, follow your inner guidance, wherever that may lead you.  even if it seems to be leading you in circles, or over ground you have already covered, trust it.  follow it."

it would be nice if we could just get there already, I say with some impatience.

she shows me a speedboat, zooming over the water in a haphazard pattern.

"your pace is not your vibration.  increasing your pace will not increase your vibration.  zipping around like mad will not give you the answers you seek, it will just make you frantic.  it is difficult to get in touch with yourself and the world around you if you are frantic."

I don't know how to walk in the world without my covering, without my protection.  I don't know how to be that person.

"it can take an artichoke some time to be fully cooked."


she sends me the beatle's song 'all you need is love,' -- it is coming through on an old wooden radio, and I have to continually adjust the dial a little bit to get the song to come in strong and clear. 


"give yourself permission, give yourself time.  live in the moment.  enjoy your process.  you will know when you are ready."

does wanting it count for anything?

"absolutely."

thank you, millie.

personal power

"within you lives a warrior, a sage and a child.  these three parts of you need to be in balance in order for you to fully access your personal power.  the energy must flow equally to and from all three.


the warrior is your protector, your shield.  if too much energy goes to the warrior, you will be too adversarial, you will be cut off from your wisdom and your ability to learn new things.


the sage is your center of wisdom.  if too much energy goes to the sage, you will be disconnected from reality, living too much in an esoteric world of your own creation.  you will be living somewhere outside of yourself, and thus will find it very difficult to integrate.


the child is your learner, your center of discovery and play.  your child helps you be flexible and adapt to change.  if too much energy goes to the child you will relinquish personal authority and be too inclined to rely on what others say.  you will not have enough access to your personal wisdom and power."

millie shows me a warrior, sage and child sitting in a circle around a glowing blue orb.  the energy flow is visible, and is swirling around all three figures equally.


"ideally, the flow of energy is balanced, touching each equally, and each is contributing equally to the energy flow.  the more balanced the flow, the more connected you are to yourself and the more you feel your personal power.


the glowing blue orb in the center is where synergy happens, that is your true essence.


if too much energy is flowing to or from one or two of these aspects of yourself, you will become unbalanced and the energy gets heavy and tilts to one side, causing even more unbalance.


if you are feeling unbalanced, call a meeting.  have your warrior, your sage and your child sit down in a circle and focus on the swirling energy.  focus on getting it to swirl evenly and on getting the blue orb to glow and float, effortlessly.


practice drawing on all three aspects, have them speak as one.  they are you.  you are all.


if you are hesitant about how to say something, close your eyes for a moment and touch the orb, connect with your wisdom.


picture all of this occurring inside of you, not separate from you."

thank you, millie.

sunlight & shadow

I wanted to hear more about how to integrate my dark and my light --  how to accept all parts of me.

millie showed me a human figure walking in the sunlight.  when the human figure was turned away from its shadow, the shadow was huge and looming and threatening.  it was shaped like a monster.  when the human turned to face its shadow, the shadow instantly shrank to the size and shape of a mouse.  the figure picked up its mouse shadow and held it gently.


"you are already integrated.  the difficulty you cause yourself is by denying or hiding or rejecting your dark.  to judge yourself for having experienced the dark, the lower vibrations, is like judging yourself for having a shadow in the sunshine, it makes no sense at all.  your experience with the dark gives you contrast, it makes you fully who you are. it gives you depth.  treasure that.  treasure you.  and know that when you turn to face your shadow it is going to be much easier than you expect.


THERE. IS. NO. JUDGMENT. OUTSIDE. OF. YOUR. HEAD."

millie wants this to be clear.


"no independent tribunal.  no judgment day.  only you.  you and the vibration you hold and your preference about that."

so why do I feel I need to forgive myself for dabbling in the dark?


"because you still believe in judgment.  it is still a part of your psyche."

I understand what you are saying, intellectually.  but judgment has a very tight grip on me.  as do right and wrong, good and bad.


"just practice thinking outside that paradigm.  practice using ideas that are unfamiliar.  it will loosen judgment's grip if you step away from those beliefs occasionally."

so, my darker marshmallows are just squished in with my lighter ones, giving my experience its own particular color?

"exactly."

so what now?  besides trying out new ideas, I mean.


"you must love yourself.  all of you.  embrace the whole you, light and dark together.  vibrate at you.  love your vibration."

okay.  thank you, millie.