thought energy

millie shows me a clumsy caveman type tool, it looks like a rock tied to a stick.  then she shifts the scene to a beautiful painting.  the art is alive, three dimensional, moving.  the artists are humans with faeries flitting about and other luminous beings.

"humans have evolved in their ability to create their world.  at first there was a lot of violence inherent in the process, violence done to you and violence done by you.  your tools have evolved as your awareness and understanding has changed.  you have moved from stone hammers to paint brushes.  from knives to pens.  from physical violence to verbal and mental violence, and beyond.


you continue to evolve, and the next step is to increase your awareness of the energy of your thoughts.  thoughts *are* energy.  they count.


you tend to automatically follow the dark threads in your thoughts, you focus on them out of habit.  increase your awareness of light and shadow.  be aware when you start to follow dark thought-threads.  you can stop yourself.  the more you practice, the more aware you become, the more quickly you can stop yourself from following a dark thread.


look for light threads.  follow those instead.  focus on what makes you happy.  think about what makes you feel good.  where your thoughts are focused, that is what will increase in your life.  you will attract more of what you pay attention to.  


look for the light, it will come."

thank you, millie

love each other

millie shows me a steel bear trap around a human heart.  the trap is made up of fear.  then she shows me a heart beating inside a locked wooden box (a la pirates of the caribbean).  that picture represents taking no risks, no chances, giving yourself no opportunity to be hurt.  but that also limits your opportunities to love and be loved.

"emotional pain is a picture you paint for yourself.  it is mainly about fear of pain, not the actual pain itself.  the fear is the thing you work so hard to avoid.


look at the fear.  name it.  trying to protect yourself from what you fear can push you into it.  if you are afraid of being alone, for instance, your efforts to hang on to someone may push them away, leaving you alone.  or you may push them away yourself, in the weird-human-logic way that you have -- 'if I cause the pain myself, it won't be so bad.'


look at the fear, get to know it, so it doesn't motivate you.  or if it does motivate you at least you are aware.


humans are meant to dance together in a joyous, exuberant dance.  not a few.  all of you.  dance in lightness and love.


look at everyone through love-colored glasses.  look past their behavior, look into their souls.  love them."

thank you, millie.

your path

millie shows me a path that drops suddenly down a very steep slope.  the part on the ground turns into a slide.  there is also a zip line that follows the path, that would put you on the same path where the slide ends.  both choices involve a leap of faith.  either you slide straight down a steep incline, not knowing where you will end up, or you attach yourself to a zip line and jump, not knowing where you will end up.


"the way you know *your* path from every other path is excitement, enthusiasm and ease.  it can be a leap of faith, it can be a little scary, but it is never an uphill battle.  it is never defeating or difficult.  it is always exhilarating."

I think of my experience in graduate school... what a huge uphill climb that was.  full of my own pictures of a successful life, full of 'shoulds.'


"your true path unfolds before you as you go.  it can be scary, but it does not involve effort.  it does not have to be hard to be worthwhile.  managing your fear is the hardest part.


you have a lot of wisdom.  give yourself permission to access it.  you are complete.  don't look outside yourself for answers.  don't give others more credit that you give yourself.  your personal power is unequalled.  it is all you need.  no one has more knowledge about *you* and *your path* than you.


if you are in the flow, you cannot *not* follow your path -- it is inevitable.  whatever path you take will turn into your path, there is no way to screw this up.


love you.  love is all you need."

again with the beatles music.  =)

thank you, millie.

edge of existence

millie shows me a small cottage on a cliff by the sea.  I am viewing it from a distance, it is attractive and very isolated.  the wind is blowing the clouds across the sky, huge waves are pounding the cliffside.


"humans feel very alone, an island unto yourselves.  from your perspective, inside your head, you have a tremendous amount of space around you, between you and others.  this is natural, it is part of the human condition."

she then shows me what looks like outlines of human forms all jiggling together in a giant bowl of jello.


"you exist as an island, and you also exist as a connected whole.  everyone is a part of the energy field, every thought, every tiny movement is felt by all.  both of these are true.  this is the dichotomy of life."

the picture zooms in on the intersection between one of the human forms and the jello.  she sends me a zingy, crackly feeling that is happening along the intersection between the personal bubble and everything else.  it feels like pop rocks candy in your mouth, little tiny explosions happening all over.


"this is the hot zone.  the place where 'I' meets 'we' is the edge of existence, this is where we feel alive, this intersection has the most opportunity for learning and growth.


focus on that intersection, that interaction.  fill the space with love.  love for yourself, love for others.  this will help you create your world full of love."

thank you, millie.

the inner you

millie shows me an artichoke.  it is not quite ripe, very green, with sharp, pointy leaves.  she shows it cooking in water and ending up soft and yummy in the middle.


"you are covered with scales and pointy protections, just like an artichoke.  the real you is the soft yummy center.  that is your heart-centered self.


you can split that outer layer of self-created shell and just walk away.  you can walk your path naked and heart-centered, giving others permission to do the same.  you can be your true self, all the time, with no hard edges.  you are all headed in that direction, follow your inner guidance, wherever that may lead you.  even if it seems to be leading you in circles, or over ground you have already covered, trust it.  follow it."

it would be nice if we could just get there already, I say with some impatience.

she shows me a speedboat, zooming over the water in a haphazard pattern.

"your pace is not your vibration.  increasing your pace will not increase your vibration.  zipping around like mad will not give you the answers you seek, it will just make you frantic.  it is difficult to get in touch with yourself and the world around you if you are frantic."

I don't know how to walk in the world without my covering, without my protection.  I don't know how to be that person.

"it can take an artichoke some time to be fully cooked."


she sends me the beatle's song 'all you need is love,' -- it is coming through on an old wooden radio, and I have to continually adjust the dial a little bit to get the song to come in strong and clear. 


"give yourself permission, give yourself time.  live in the moment.  enjoy your process.  you will know when you are ready."

does wanting it count for anything?

"absolutely."

thank you, millie.

personal power

"within you lives a warrior, a sage and a child.  these three parts of you need to be in balance in order for you to fully access your personal power.  the energy must flow equally to and from all three.


the warrior is your protector, your shield.  if too much energy goes to the warrior, you will be too adversarial, you will be cut off from your wisdom and your ability to learn new things.


the sage is your center of wisdom.  if too much energy goes to the sage, you will be disconnected from reality, living too much in an esoteric world of your own creation.  you will be living somewhere outside of yourself, and thus will find it very difficult to integrate.


the child is your learner, your center of discovery and play.  your child helps you be flexible and adapt to change.  if too much energy goes to the child you will relinquish personal authority and be too inclined to rely on what others say.  you will not have enough access to your personal wisdom and power."

millie shows me a warrior, sage and child sitting in a circle around a glowing blue orb.  the energy flow is visible, and is swirling around all three figures equally.


"ideally, the flow of energy is balanced, touching each equally, and each is contributing equally to the energy flow.  the more balanced the flow, the more connected you are to yourself and the more you feel your personal power.


the glowing blue orb in the center is where synergy happens, that is your true essence.


if too much energy is flowing to or from one or two of these aspects of yourself, you will become unbalanced and the energy gets heavy and tilts to one side, causing even more unbalance.


if you are feeling unbalanced, call a meeting.  have your warrior, your sage and your child sit down in a circle and focus on the swirling energy.  focus on getting it to swirl evenly and on getting the blue orb to glow and float, effortlessly.


practice drawing on all three aspects, have them speak as one.  they are you.  you are all.


if you are hesitant about how to say something, close your eyes for a moment and touch the orb, connect with your wisdom.


picture all of this occurring inside of you, not separate from you."

thank you, millie.

sunlight & shadow

I wanted to hear more about how to integrate my dark and my light --  how to accept all parts of me.

millie showed me a human figure walking in the sunlight.  when the human figure was turned away from its shadow, the shadow was huge and looming and threatening.  it was shaped like a monster.  when the human turned to face its shadow, the shadow instantly shrank to the size and shape of a mouse.  the figure picked up its mouse shadow and held it gently.


"you are already integrated.  the difficulty you cause yourself is by denying or hiding or rejecting your dark.  to judge yourself for having experienced the dark, the lower vibrations, is like judging yourself for having a shadow in the sunshine, it makes no sense at all.  your experience with the dark gives you contrast, it makes you fully who you are. it gives you depth.  treasure that.  treasure you.  and know that when you turn to face your shadow it is going to be much easier than you expect.


THERE. IS. NO. JUDGMENT. OUTSIDE. OF. YOUR. HEAD."

millie wants this to be clear.


"no independent tribunal.  no judgment day.  only you.  you and the vibration you hold and your preference about that."

so why do I feel I need to forgive myself for dabbling in the dark?


"because you still believe in judgment.  it is still a part of your psyche."

I understand what you are saying, intellectually.  but judgment has a very tight grip on me.  as do right and wrong, good and bad.


"just practice thinking outside that paradigm.  practice using ideas that are unfamiliar.  it will loosen judgment's grip if you step away from those beliefs occasionally."

so, my darker marshmallows are just squished in with my lighter ones, giving my experience its own particular color?

"exactly."

so what now?  besides trying out new ideas, I mean.


"you must love yourself.  all of you.  embrace the whole you, light and dark together.  vibrate at you.  love your vibration."

okay.  thank you, millie.